1 Comment

Tomorrow I head “home”.

Bright and early, I will awake, shower, and get into the car with my parents to head to the Brussels airport to head to a place I refer to as “home”.

To tell you the truth, I’m nervous. It’s not due to the flying – I’ve flown almost 10 times in the past 4-5 years and thrice internationally – I’m used to it. And it’s not due to the fact that I’ve got a pretty good amount of work waiting for me when I arrive back in Ruston. It’s also not because I start school very soon after I get back. No, it’s none of those things, it’s because for the first time in my life, I’ll be leaving my parents knowing that I won’t be seeing them for almost 4 months.

I miss Ruston, I really do. I miss the people I love there – my friends, my family, the people I see everyday, the familiar faces, and Merlot (my dog). I miss being close to Randi and Frazier and having the option to just “run” over to Longview and see them. Being here in Belgium and realizing that my parents will be staying over here has really made me realize what a different type of “miss” the feeling really is. I told my best friend, Hannah, that being here is completely different from anything I’ve felt before. When I’m here and I say that I miss someone, I truly mean it, and it’s because that the option to see them right now is impossible. I cannot get in my car and drive through the night to see her or anyone else. Instead, over here, an attempt to visit someone back “home” would take a day or two of planning, more than $2000, and 14 hours of travel – AKA infeasible. The 5000+ mile distance makes me “miss” individuals in a way I’ve never missed people before.

I think this is why I’m nervous. Because I feel this type of longing now to see my sister, my nephew, my dog and my friends back home, but I know that tomorrow…I’ll feel this same longing for my parents – which is completely different.

Leaving for the airport in the morning will undoubtedly be one of the hardest things I will have ever done. My parents moving 2 hours away (to TX) was hard enough for us; I can only imagine how 5000 miles will affect me. It also makes me think about how hard it will be to move over here after I graduate in March – which is my current plan. These are feelings and emotions that I am not going to work out overnight; I will be lucky if any of the feelings will have subsided at all by March! But I’m being optimistic, though, and will keep my head high; in the past, everything has worked out for the best, and I know this will too.

You may be wondering why I put quotes around the word “home” throughout this post. It’s because I’ve come to realize that “home” is a very interesting phenomenon. Where is “home”? When I say I’m headed “home”, I’m referring to Ruston, but what makes that the place I call “home”? I’m from there, yes; I have many friends there, yes; I have a house there, yes; I have some family there, yes; my “stuff” is there, yes; I’m registered as a voter there, yes; however, does that make it my “home”? My parents, the most important immediate family members there are, are in Belgium – is Belgium my home? My sister, who shares 13 genetic alleles and countless memories with me, lives in TX – is TX my home? My best friend, Hannah, who I’ve known for >15 years and keep nothing from, lives in Nashville, TN – is Nashville my home?

To tell you truth, I couldn’t tell you where my “home” is. I’m not saying this to elicit some apologetic “awwwww….” response to not knowing where I belong, it’s actually just the opposite! I have more than one “home,” and I believe that my home is where people love me – and in Ruston, Texas, Nashville, Belgium, and a few other places I’ve not mentioned, there are people that love me, and there are people that I love.

So basically, I find that the adage is right: “home” really is where the heart is.

So although I’m leaving Belgium, I’m leaving part of my heart behind and I’m taking part of my parents’ with me. I’ll be back to this “home” soon – for there are hearts here that love me, and there are hearts here that I love.

So “tot ziens,” Belgie! I’ve had the most amazing time, and until next time – take care of my parents.




1 Comment

  • Comment by Cynthia — September 4, 2009 @ 12:29

    This reminds me so much of a journal entry I wrote a few years ago when I, along with close friends, were moving around a lot. I still think a/b it today. Although my parents still live in Ruston & it will always represent a piece of “home”, my heart is scattered all over the place with the people I care a/b the most. As hard as it is sometimes, it truly is a gift to know that so many people love you regardless of where you are or what you’re going through. I’m so glad our paths have crossed for this season. Can’t wait to see you in a few days! Happy travels!

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment